Oh how sad it is when a relationship ends. The pain of losing that one person who understands you more than anyone else. No more chats as you lie in bed. No-one around who you really trust as much as you trusted him. Having to start a new relationship with someone else who might not prove to be as reliable, or thoughtful .
I have lost my consultant. And I am grieving.
It sounds daft doesn’t it? But for us NHS patients, having a long term relationship with a doctor who we really trust makes a difference. I met my consultant 11 years ago. I’d spent 2 or 3 years being passed around the NHS, short term dates with doctors who knew very little about my immune system problem and often couldn’t even remember my name. I remember hearing his voice for the first time outside my room, telling a cluster of junior doctors about my condition. ‘This might actually be someone who can help’, I thought.
And he did. I’d been warned to have no more children, but he said I could. I’d been told there was nothing that could be done to stop the damage to my kidneys, but he said there was. I’d been left with no hope but he gave me bundles of it.
Over the past decade, he has fought to get me the best, and often very expensive, treatment. He has rushed me into hospital on a few occasions, insisted I got a bed on the right ward. He’s overridden hospital procedure when it’s not in my best interests. He’s been blunt with me about the future when I’ve been scared about new therapies. He’s given me his mobile for whenever I needed to talk directly to him ( I’ve used it twice in 10 years). He’s been the only person in a long line of medics who asked me how I felt emotionally after being put under sedation for five days in intensive care. Without doubt he has saved my life on a couple of occasions, and without him my cheeky, lovely 9 year old son would not be here.
And now he’s gone. And unlike most normal break-ups, I’m given no warning and no reasons. I turn up to clinic a few times and he’s not there. I ask and I am told that he’s taking leave, and then it’s extended leave, and then it’s ‘no we don’t think he’s coming back’.
It has to be this way of course. Anyone is free to move jobs, retire, take a break. You can’t have patients knowing about a doctor’s personal life. It’s just not appropriate for anyone in the NHS to tell me why he’s no longer my doctor. I completely understand and accept that.
But I am bereft. And worried about him and his sudden departure. I hope he is well. I can’t even write him a note to thank him. To point out to him the immeasurable effect he has had on our family.
Instead, somewhat wearily, I start the search for a new relationship.